So a month or so has passed since my last blog post. A lot has happened in just that short amount of time! My niece just turned 2, and my nephew is now 6 months old. I can't believe how fast they are growing! I wish I was able to see them more often. They are, of course, perfect and wonderful. Even when my niece is throwing a tantrum on the floor I think it's adorable, lol.
Pep band is also in full swing again with all the fall sports. I always love coming back after the summer to play again! Yesterday was the first time I got a chance to see the new arena, with the red-white scrimmage. All I can say is wow! It felt a little weird passing the Eastern Pkwy. exit to head to a game, and I was definately concerned that it wouldn't feel like a true home game since i've been going to games since I was like 10 in Freedom Hall. I have to say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it still doesn't feel quite like home yet. The acoustics, however, were amazing compared to the old house. We warmed up to the fight songs before most of the fans got there. It sounded so amazing that I got chills! Being able to play music like that is one of the most amazing rushes I have ever had. Being there to play the fight songs for the first time in the new arena ranked up there with getting to play the National Anthem in Madison Square Gardens 2 years ago. I love it!
I have had several personal revelations in the last month. Most of them came as a shock to me, as I am pretty secure in who I am and do not let anyone's feelings or opinions affect that. Some of them were from things in the past though...I wasn't always this secure in who I am! The first one came to me a few weeks ago. I have always been in touch with my sexuality, at least deep down somewhere lol. But until recently i've always felt a bit reserved, or stifled in away however. I could never put my finger on exactly why, or even that was indeed what I was doing. Since i've been newly single i've felt almost like something was trying to break thru on that level, but I couldn't put a finger on why especially now that I was no longer even dating anyone! I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me! Then in the shower a couple weeks ago I suddenly had a revelation...in the past I have dated people who made me feel in a way like I couldn't, or shouldn't, have those feelings. Sure, they had absolutely no problem with me expressing it to them (typical guys)! But they would be jealous or upset at the thought that I would have ever expressed that to anyone else. I dated a few extremely jealous people that had a problem with the fact that I had any sort of a past. Of course it was ok for them to have one! I even dated someone who would have thrown me under the bus to protect their reputation of seeming virtuous! The revelation that came to me (while analyzing my day lol) was this: I have only dated 2 guys seriously in the last 10 years. 2 people in 10 years! That is hardly what I would call "getting around", lol. I was shocked that I was still carrying around this issue from my past. I was single for almost 5 years in my 20's to get past all of that crap and figure out who I really was for goodness sake! It was very eye opening and humbling for me to realize this, almost like I had to give myself permission to feel human in that way. And to think I wasted all this time until I was well into my 30's to figure this out... ;-)
The next revelation came to me about a week ago. Being in a relationship for over 6 years you kind of forget what it's like to not be in it. Things became so routine with me that I didn't even question where or how the relationship was, even after it was over. Now that my life is taking a different path than it was a few months ago i've started realizing things that I have been missing for years and never realized. I didn't have someone who was truely interested in my life and what was going on with it. I missed feeling special and someone actually telling me so. Even small things, like knowing where my tickle spots are or what it means when I make a certain face. It's so weird that you don't realize you are missing something when you are in the situation! Do I feel that I was settling? No not really. I think at the time that was not a priority in my life.
The last revelation came to me last night, thanks to my bff. We were discussing both my dating life and living situation. There is a chance that Craig could be coming back the middle of next year, instead of a few years now like he was thinking (and hoping). I commented on how it was ironic that he was coming back soon, when part of the reason we broke up is because he was going to be there for quite a while, and now there's a chance he won't be. Her comment back was "Well now you are free to find your true happiness". It suddenly hit me that she was exactly right. I hadn't even thought of that until she said it to me. Although I wasn't unhappy before, I hadn't found my true happiness in life yet. Now I believe that I am well on my way of having it, and soon!
So where am I after almost 3 months of being newly single? Well, much further than I thought I would be at this point for one! I'm out in the dating world again, and actually enjoying being single and "out there" again. When I was in the relationship the thought of me being in my mid 30's and not even close to thinking about having a family came to mind on a regular basis. Not that I was freaking out about not having one, but that I was in a way being held back from even thinking about it. I can honestly say that hasn't crossed my mind in the last couple months at all. I do feel that I am on the right path in my life, and that if it was meant to be it will happen, but I don't have to have it to be happy with myself and my life. Who I have in my life is most important to me. I now only want people in my life that are a positive influence and that truely care about me, and I feel that is happening now. I am not sure exactly what the future holds for me, even in 6 weeks let alone 6 months. But I know whatever it is I can be happy with who I am now. :-)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I was just looking at my last blog post and realizing how long it's been! Man does time fly!
Well my blood donation went well. No passing out from getting stuck by a needle (twice if you include the damn blood count they stick your finger for. That sucker hurts!), and no weakness from lack of blood. Plus I got some Graeter's ice cream afterwards and a coupon for a free pint. Awesome!! Unfortunately my parents weren't able to give blood that day. They had been to a tropical island in the last 6 months that was on their "list". I got nervous for a minute because there were some Eastern countries on the list if you had been there in the last 3 years. Thank goodness China was not one of them!
When I got home I was ready to sit on the couch and relax, since you aren't supposed to do much for the rest of the day. I went to turn on the TV, and the receiver wouldn't come on. Crap! I had just switched over to my receiver a couple months ago because Craig's had gone out. So, I had to bite the bullet and call Craig to figure out how to switch the sound from everything over to the TV. This damn TV is the most complicated I've ever dealt with in my life. Plus the eye for the remote no longer works so you can't use the remote to change the settings, which would probably be easier. So here I am, pulling out a 60 something inch TV from the wall (console type, not flat screen!) just an hour or so after giving blood, on the phone with my ex, who I'm trying to have as little contact as possible with, and trying to figure out which cords go to what. I told Midnight (as of course he had to "supervise" what I was doing) if I passed out call for back up! Thankfully it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and I didn't pass out. My dad got me a receiver the next week for an early Christmas present. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to adjust the sound on the TV at all except for manually, which for anyone who deals with cable TV knows that every single channel has a different friggin volume!
So the next day was my birthday, and the first day of my week long vacation from work. Goody for me, I woke up with a really bad sinus infection! I layed on the couch all day so that I would have the energy to go out to dinner that night. We went to Wiltshire on Main, where Casey (Ginger's nephew-in-law) is a chef. The atmosphere was great and so was the food. I was bummed however, because the Bare Minerals Quickie van was outside for the trolley hop that night, but it was gone by the time we finished dinner. :-( I'm like the poster child for Bare Minerals makeup! LOL After dinner we went back to Ginger's where she had some Gigi's cupcakes waiting for me. Yummy! The next night I went to my friend from high school Karla's parents house in J-town for a karaoke party. It was great fun! I got to catch up with Karla and meet her kids and husband, all who were awesome. :-) Unfortunately I was still sick and had to call it an early night. I was that sick for about 4 or 5 days, which ruined most of my vacation time! I had plans to go stay with Nicki and Troy so I could spend some time with them and my niece and nephew but had to cancel. I still wasn't feeling great the rest of the week, but I was at least partially functional so I could get a few things done and make it to Huber's that Friday for some wine tasting and lunch. The best part about that was when we went to visit the petting farm. The had a large fenced area with goats, who happened to find an unlocked fence and broke free. 20-30 goats were running everywhere! It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I so wish I had my Flip video camera with me! I also taught Spencer, my friend Jenny's son who is the same age as my niece, how to yell BUNNY! every time he sees a rabbit, LOL. I love corrupting small children! ;-)
As for the rest of my life, work is, well, the same ol' crap. Just getting through the days and hoping either something gets better or I find an opening for another job soon. The damn Rad. Tech market is so flooded with techs with all the Rad. Tech programs in the city it's ridiculous. I am still studying for my final in my 3D imaging course, but with being sick on top of the fact that it's been a long time since I've finished some of the lessons, it's been slow going! I should be ready in the next week or so hopefully, then I'll be moving on to the next course. I'm just praying that I can get a good job with this new modality as soon as possible!
As for my dating life...LOL well I keep finding it amusing. Not exactly dating itself, but the people around me and their views and opinions on MY dating life. I have at least gotten past the people freaking out if I start dating too early. And, thank goodness, I'm not yet to the point where everyone is asking me on a daily basis if I'm dating, who I'm dating, why am I not dating, etc. I'm calling it the "sweet spot". It's the point in between those 2 phases where no one is bugging the hell out of me about it! And I'm FAR from the phase where it's been so long since I've been in a relationship that people start questioning my sexuality! That is the most amusing to me! Because god forbid you actually CHOOSE to be single! That's only happened to me once in my life, and I could do nothing but laugh at them. Of course with my hetero-life partner now married maybe I will be able to keep those rumors at bay now. Oh wait, I forgot, the husband could just be a cover...excuse me while I roll my eyes into the back of my head...
So yes yes, the question you want to know...am I dating yet. Damn nosey people, LOL! I am slowly getting back into the dating world again. I have gotten the dreaded "first date back" out of the way. Oh, have I mentioned that I hate first dates?? Always have! Pain in the ass in my opinion. Ginger, on the other hand, absolutely loves them and is now looking forward to living through me vicariously. If somehow she could go on the initial dates for me and get them out of the way that would be fabulous! I have found it amazing how many people come out of the woodwork as soon as you claim yourself to be single! I was bombarded the first 2 days I made it public with offers and guys just wanting to suddenly say "hey, so what's up..." lol. I was thinking where the hell were you people when I was actually looking for dates back in the day?! I have found that I'm much more picky this time around. My old Mojo account is active again (although not as fun as it was back in the day). I won't even read responses from anyone that doesn't use punctuation, asks stupid questions, or uses words like "classy" or "gentleman". Because really, if you are classy or a gentleman then you wouldn't use those annoying words! Oh then there's my favorite, a guy that sent me simply one word: Yummy. How the hell do you respond to that?? My answer, you don't! LOL I don't have time for this crap anymore. Then there was my experience this past weekend at a bar we were at to do some karaoke. This very drunk, very creepy guy was hitting on me, sitting way to close to me and staring at me. Ew ew ew! I haven't gotten hit on in a bar in years, and I suddenly become single again and here they come. When he finally went away I asked my friends how in the hell do they know?? The response from my friend was "Oh, they know!", lol. So now I need to get a fake ring or something to keep them away. Although when I told this guy about my "very serious relationship" I was in he was still adamant. I feel like I need to take another shower just thinking about it again....
So this time around I've decided not to let everyone know the complete ins and outs of my dating life. Mainly the annoying women at work. Oh they've tried to figure it all out in their own little sneaky ways. Always asking me "so, anything new going on in your life?", aka "So, you dating anyone yet? Is it serious? When are you getting married and having babies?". I've shared some of the details to a few close friends but that's about it. Although when I'm talking to my friend at work about it (she's going through some similar stuff in her life right now so we swap stories lol) I see the women at work straining to try to hear what we're talking about, lol. It cracks me up! I think if I ever get married and start having kids I'm going to just deny the entire thing to them. I'll come in to work 8 months pregnant saying "Pregnant?? I don't know what you're talking about..." and turn my fat belly around and walk away, LOL.
As far as "how I feel about everything" goes, I'm getting there. I am happy with where my life is going, but not quite happy about where it is. But many things are out of my control for the time being. I'm ready to get back into the dating world, but not quite ready for anything serious. Plus the thought of bringing anyone "home" is not an option right now, considering where I live. I just don't feel comfortable with that here. It just feels wrong, you know? Well most people wouldn't know because few people have probably been in the situation I'm in! But it's not my house, and there's a lot of history here. I once saw this is my house as well, but now I don't. My future is not here nor will it ever be. When that starts becoming an issue I will have to seriously consider other options. For now, unfortunately, I can't afford to go anywhere. I used to care about the look and condition of this house, now I just keep it livable. Which actually is a vast improvement of it's state before I moved in! I will be happy to live in a place that I can call my own again, and feel comfortable in no matter what the situation is (i.e. dating). But for now this is my life and I will deal with everything as it comes my way.
Crap, I almost forgot the most exciting news! Since much of my stress is disappearing, so are the excess pounds I gained this year! Which is more amazing because of the fact that I haven't been able to work out regularly since I got sick. It could be the 185 lbs of stress that is no longer a part of my life as of a couple months ago, LOL. And no, it's not muscle i'm losing, because my waistline is shrinking (which is where I gained it all). I am now 2 lbs from where I started, and 4 lbs from my goal. I haven't changed my eating habits either, still eating as healthy as I was before. I TRIED TO TELL EVERYONE that I was gaining, and not losing, even though I was trying as hard as I could. I figured it was stress, but people who know nothing about weight loss, exercise, and nutrition couldn't comprehend that. Of course most people won't notice the difference, unless I stand around completely naked which is NOT happening! But my clothes are finally fitting better, and I feel better in them. :-)
Peace out, Peeps!
Well my blood donation went well. No passing out from getting stuck by a needle (twice if you include the damn blood count they stick your finger for. That sucker hurts!), and no weakness from lack of blood. Plus I got some Graeter's ice cream afterwards and a coupon for a free pint. Awesome!! Unfortunately my parents weren't able to give blood that day. They had been to a tropical island in the last 6 months that was on their "list". I got nervous for a minute because there were some Eastern countries on the list if you had been there in the last 3 years. Thank goodness China was not one of them!
When I got home I was ready to sit on the couch and relax, since you aren't supposed to do much for the rest of the day. I went to turn on the TV, and the receiver wouldn't come on. Crap! I had just switched over to my receiver a couple months ago because Craig's had gone out. So, I had to bite the bullet and call Craig to figure out how to switch the sound from everything over to the TV. This damn TV is the most complicated I've ever dealt with in my life. Plus the eye for the remote no longer works so you can't use the remote to change the settings, which would probably be easier. So here I am, pulling out a 60 something inch TV from the wall (console type, not flat screen!) just an hour or so after giving blood, on the phone with my ex, who I'm trying to have as little contact as possible with, and trying to figure out which cords go to what. I told Midnight (as of course he had to "supervise" what I was doing) if I passed out call for back up! Thankfully it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and I didn't pass out. My dad got me a receiver the next week for an early Christmas present. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to adjust the sound on the TV at all except for manually, which for anyone who deals with cable TV knows that every single channel has a different friggin volume!
So the next day was my birthday, and the first day of my week long vacation from work. Goody for me, I woke up with a really bad sinus infection! I layed on the couch all day so that I would have the energy to go out to dinner that night. We went to Wiltshire on Main, where Casey (Ginger's nephew-in-law) is a chef. The atmosphere was great and so was the food. I was bummed however, because the Bare Minerals Quickie van was outside for the trolley hop that night, but it was gone by the time we finished dinner. :-( I'm like the poster child for Bare Minerals makeup! LOL After dinner we went back to Ginger's where she had some Gigi's cupcakes waiting for me. Yummy! The next night I went to my friend from high school Karla's parents house in J-town for a karaoke party. It was great fun! I got to catch up with Karla and meet her kids and husband, all who were awesome. :-) Unfortunately I was still sick and had to call it an early night. I was that sick for about 4 or 5 days, which ruined most of my vacation time! I had plans to go stay with Nicki and Troy so I could spend some time with them and my niece and nephew but had to cancel. I still wasn't feeling great the rest of the week, but I was at least partially functional so I could get a few things done and make it to Huber's that Friday for some wine tasting and lunch. The best part about that was when we went to visit the petting farm. The had a large fenced area with goats, who happened to find an unlocked fence and broke free. 20-30 goats were running everywhere! It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I so wish I had my Flip video camera with me! I also taught Spencer, my friend Jenny's son who is the same age as my niece, how to yell BUNNY! every time he sees a rabbit, LOL. I love corrupting small children! ;-)
As for the rest of my life, work is, well, the same ol' crap. Just getting through the days and hoping either something gets better or I find an opening for another job soon. The damn Rad. Tech market is so flooded with techs with all the Rad. Tech programs in the city it's ridiculous. I am still studying for my final in my 3D imaging course, but with being sick on top of the fact that it's been a long time since I've finished some of the lessons, it's been slow going! I should be ready in the next week or so hopefully, then I'll be moving on to the next course. I'm just praying that I can get a good job with this new modality as soon as possible!
As for my dating life...LOL well I keep finding it amusing. Not exactly dating itself, but the people around me and their views and opinions on MY dating life. I have at least gotten past the people freaking out if I start dating too early. And, thank goodness, I'm not yet to the point where everyone is asking me on a daily basis if I'm dating, who I'm dating, why am I not dating, etc. I'm calling it the "sweet spot". It's the point in between those 2 phases where no one is bugging the hell out of me about it! And I'm FAR from the phase where it's been so long since I've been in a relationship that people start questioning my sexuality! That is the most amusing to me! Because god forbid you actually CHOOSE to be single! That's only happened to me once in my life, and I could do nothing but laugh at them. Of course with my hetero-life partner now married maybe I will be able to keep those rumors at bay now. Oh wait, I forgot, the husband could just be a cover...excuse me while I roll my eyes into the back of my head...
So yes yes, the question you want to know...am I dating yet. Damn nosey people, LOL! I am slowly getting back into the dating world again. I have gotten the dreaded "first date back" out of the way. Oh, have I mentioned that I hate first dates?? Always have! Pain in the ass in my opinion. Ginger, on the other hand, absolutely loves them and is now looking forward to living through me vicariously. If somehow she could go on the initial dates for me and get them out of the way that would be fabulous! I have found it amazing how many people come out of the woodwork as soon as you claim yourself to be single! I was bombarded the first 2 days I made it public with offers and guys just wanting to suddenly say "hey, so what's up..." lol. I was thinking where the hell were you people when I was actually looking for dates back in the day?! I have found that I'm much more picky this time around. My old Mojo account is active again (although not as fun as it was back in the day). I won't even read responses from anyone that doesn't use punctuation, asks stupid questions, or uses words like "classy" or "gentleman". Because really, if you are classy or a gentleman then you wouldn't use those annoying words! Oh then there's my favorite, a guy that sent me simply one word: Yummy. How the hell do you respond to that?? My answer, you don't! LOL I don't have time for this crap anymore. Then there was my experience this past weekend at a bar we were at to do some karaoke. This very drunk, very creepy guy was hitting on me, sitting way to close to me and staring at me. Ew ew ew! I haven't gotten hit on in a bar in years, and I suddenly become single again and here they come. When he finally went away I asked my friends how in the hell do they know?? The response from my friend was "Oh, they know!", lol. So now I need to get a fake ring or something to keep them away. Although when I told this guy about my "very serious relationship" I was in he was still adamant. I feel like I need to take another shower just thinking about it again....
So this time around I've decided not to let everyone know the complete ins and outs of my dating life. Mainly the annoying women at work. Oh they've tried to figure it all out in their own little sneaky ways. Always asking me "so, anything new going on in your life?", aka "So, you dating anyone yet? Is it serious? When are you getting married and having babies?". I've shared some of the details to a few close friends but that's about it. Although when I'm talking to my friend at work about it (she's going through some similar stuff in her life right now so we swap stories lol) I see the women at work straining to try to hear what we're talking about, lol. It cracks me up! I think if I ever get married and start having kids I'm going to just deny the entire thing to them. I'll come in to work 8 months pregnant saying "Pregnant?? I don't know what you're talking about..." and turn my fat belly around and walk away, LOL.
As far as "how I feel about everything" goes, I'm getting there. I am happy with where my life is going, but not quite happy about where it is. But many things are out of my control for the time being. I'm ready to get back into the dating world, but not quite ready for anything serious. Plus the thought of bringing anyone "home" is not an option right now, considering where I live. I just don't feel comfortable with that here. It just feels wrong, you know? Well most people wouldn't know because few people have probably been in the situation I'm in! But it's not my house, and there's a lot of history here. I once saw this is my house as well, but now I don't. My future is not here nor will it ever be. When that starts becoming an issue I will have to seriously consider other options. For now, unfortunately, I can't afford to go anywhere. I used to care about the look and condition of this house, now I just keep it livable. Which actually is a vast improvement of it's state before I moved in! I will be happy to live in a place that I can call my own again, and feel comfortable in no matter what the situation is (i.e. dating). But for now this is my life and I will deal with everything as it comes my way.
Crap, I almost forgot the most exciting news! Since much of my stress is disappearing, so are the excess pounds I gained this year! Which is more amazing because of the fact that I haven't been able to work out regularly since I got sick. It could be the 185 lbs of stress that is no longer a part of my life as of a couple months ago, LOL. And no, it's not muscle i'm losing, because my waistline is shrinking (which is where I gained it all). I am now 2 lbs from where I started, and 4 lbs from my goal. I haven't changed my eating habits either, still eating as healthy as I was before. I TRIED TO TELL EVERYONE that I was gaining, and not losing, even though I was trying as hard as I could. I figured it was stress, but people who know nothing about weight loss, exercise, and nutrition couldn't comprehend that. Of course most people won't notice the difference, unless I stand around completely naked which is NOT happening! But my clothes are finally fitting better, and I feel better in them. :-)
Peace out, Peeps!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Interesting day
Well, I knew I would have weird days like this after everything that has gone on in the last couple months!
I started the day with a sore neck. I used my new pillow for the first time last night (one that is supposed to support your neck). I thought it was working out well, until I woke up!
I also woke up to loud machines and banging outside the bedroom window, as the foundation/patio workers were already here and at it. So, I got to roll out of bed first thing and get dressed to go out and say hello to Craig's dad. I'm under the impression that he has not told them about us yet, from the way he was talking and acting about things. That doesn't really surprise me though. Craig is the type that will not tell anyone and just figure that they will figure out when I stop showing up on major holidays, LOL. It took them about 5 hours to do all the work. When they were done I had to make a run to Lowe's to get some silicone caulk (hee hee) to seal the seams of the patio for his dad. As I was checking out we realized that the credit card I have of Craig's expired...today! This is not good, as that is my only way of paying for things such as gas for the mower and vet bills (HA!). I wish I had noticed the date before he left!
When I got home from Lowe's I noticed the Fed Ex truck pulling out of the driveway. I figured it was the package Craig told me he was expecting a few weeks ago. The package was for me however. I knew what it was as soon as Craig's dad pointed it out to me. Craig had ordered me a box of chocolate-covered strawberries for my birthday. The card said "I bet this will make you feel better". Of course he was right, as that is my favorite dessert in the world! Now before anyone starts getting assumptions, i'll clear that up right away....it does not mean that we will be getting back together, or that he is trying to win his way back. It was simply a present for my birthday from someone who cares for me. We had a very amicable relationship and breakup with no hard feelings. The timing of the weirdness of the day already made things kind of weird for me though! I realized at work earlier in the week that today marks exactly 1 month since the "decision" was made, and I was technically single. Wow, I can't believe how fast time has flown by!
After his dad left and I got the patio pseudo back together, I went for my hair appointment. I had decided to do a big change and cut much of the length off. I was going to do this in another 6 or 8 months after I let my hair grow really long first, but given all the changes in my life right now I decided today was the day! I'm always nervous about hair changes (after all it's my best feature!), especially when it's going shorter. But I have to say that i'm pleased with it so far! I haven't had my hair this short since I was 21, and that was from a bad hair stylist mishap, lol. Before then I believe it was when I was a kid, like first grade!
So that about wraps up my day. Like I said i'm not surprised, as my life is chaos right now!
Tomorrow I am giving blood for the first time for the UofL/UK Governor's Cup Blood drive. I've wanted to give blood for a long time but have never had the nerve to suck it up and go. I have a HUGE fear of needles. Ironic for being in the medical field I know. I have done pretty well with IVs in the past, so i'm hoping i'm ok with this. I plan on just not looking and being in denial anything is happening! This blood drive is cool, as you get a t-shirt for it. They also have a fried chicken dinner that they provide, and a drawing for the UK-UofL football game tickets and for a Ford Focus. My dad and step-mom are going with me to give blood too. There was no way I would do this by myself! I'm also excited to find out what blood type I am. Both my parents are A, but my sister is O. We shall see!
Friday is my birthday, and Ginger has planned a dinner at the restaurant her niece's husband is a chef. Megan (her niece) is a pastry chef at Proof, but seeing as she is out on maternity leave we figured it would be pointless to go there right now! I also have Friday thru next week off work. I have several things planned, such as a trip to see Nicki and my niece and nephew for a couple days and a trip to Huber's winery. I'll just be glad to be out of work for a week and to get my mind off of things for a while!
So, my friends have started discussing me dating again. It's completely cracking me up! I'm very level-headed when it comes to dating and relationships, and I know where I am as far as that. However my friends have to make sure to put their 2 cents in before I "get out there". I have some friends saying "are you sure you are ready for that? You don't want to rush things...", then I have others saying "go on out there and get you some!", LOL. It's like I have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other! But I know where i'm at right now. Although I wouldn't mind just casually dating, i'm definately not ready for a relationship. If an opportunity comes along to go out and have some fun I won't pass it up, but I will be very clear where I stand and where I am right now with everyone. I've always been completely up front and honest in the dating scene anyway, even 6 years ago when I was actually out there. Man, I can't believe it's been over 6 years! It seems like forever ago, but like yesterday at the same time. At this point i'm just taking things one day at a time. I have some good days and some anxious days, but I will never let myself get down and depressed. There's no reason to. :-)
I started the day with a sore neck. I used my new pillow for the first time last night (one that is supposed to support your neck). I thought it was working out well, until I woke up!
I also woke up to loud machines and banging outside the bedroom window, as the foundation/patio workers were already here and at it. So, I got to roll out of bed first thing and get dressed to go out and say hello to Craig's dad. I'm under the impression that he has not told them about us yet, from the way he was talking and acting about things. That doesn't really surprise me though. Craig is the type that will not tell anyone and just figure that they will figure out when I stop showing up on major holidays, LOL. It took them about 5 hours to do all the work. When they were done I had to make a run to Lowe's to get some silicone caulk (hee hee) to seal the seams of the patio for his dad. As I was checking out we realized that the credit card I have of Craig's expired...today! This is not good, as that is my only way of paying for things such as gas for the mower and vet bills (HA!). I wish I had noticed the date before he left!
When I got home from Lowe's I noticed the Fed Ex truck pulling out of the driveway. I figured it was the package Craig told me he was expecting a few weeks ago. The package was for me however. I knew what it was as soon as Craig's dad pointed it out to me. Craig had ordered me a box of chocolate-covered strawberries for my birthday. The card said "I bet this will make you feel better". Of course he was right, as that is my favorite dessert in the world! Now before anyone starts getting assumptions, i'll clear that up right away....it does not mean that we will be getting back together, or that he is trying to win his way back. It was simply a present for my birthday from someone who cares for me. We had a very amicable relationship and breakup with no hard feelings. The timing of the weirdness of the day already made things kind of weird for me though! I realized at work earlier in the week that today marks exactly 1 month since the "decision" was made, and I was technically single. Wow, I can't believe how fast time has flown by!
After his dad left and I got the patio pseudo back together, I went for my hair appointment. I had decided to do a big change and cut much of the length off. I was going to do this in another 6 or 8 months after I let my hair grow really long first, but given all the changes in my life right now I decided today was the day! I'm always nervous about hair changes (after all it's my best feature!), especially when it's going shorter. But I have to say that i'm pleased with it so far! I haven't had my hair this short since I was 21, and that was from a bad hair stylist mishap, lol. Before then I believe it was when I was a kid, like first grade!
So that about wraps up my day. Like I said i'm not surprised, as my life is chaos right now!
Tomorrow I am giving blood for the first time for the UofL/UK Governor's Cup Blood drive. I've wanted to give blood for a long time but have never had the nerve to suck it up and go. I have a HUGE fear of needles. Ironic for being in the medical field I know. I have done pretty well with IVs in the past, so i'm hoping i'm ok with this. I plan on just not looking and being in denial anything is happening! This blood drive is cool, as you get a t-shirt for it. They also have a fried chicken dinner that they provide, and a drawing for the UK-UofL football game tickets and for a Ford Focus. My dad and step-mom are going with me to give blood too. There was no way I would do this by myself! I'm also excited to find out what blood type I am. Both my parents are A, but my sister is O. We shall see!
Friday is my birthday, and Ginger has planned a dinner at the restaurant her niece's husband is a chef. Megan (her niece) is a pastry chef at Proof, but seeing as she is out on maternity leave we figured it would be pointless to go there right now! I also have Friday thru next week off work. I have several things planned, such as a trip to see Nicki and my niece and nephew for a couple days and a trip to Huber's winery. I'll just be glad to be out of work for a week and to get my mind off of things for a while!
So, my friends have started discussing me dating again. It's completely cracking me up! I'm very level-headed when it comes to dating and relationships, and I know where I am as far as that. However my friends have to make sure to put their 2 cents in before I "get out there". I have some friends saying "are you sure you are ready for that? You don't want to rush things...", then I have others saying "go on out there and get you some!", LOL. It's like I have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other! But I know where i'm at right now. Although I wouldn't mind just casually dating, i'm definately not ready for a relationship. If an opportunity comes along to go out and have some fun I won't pass it up, but I will be very clear where I stand and where I am right now with everyone. I've always been completely up front and honest in the dating scene anyway, even 6 years ago when I was actually out there. Man, I can't believe it's been over 6 years! It seems like forever ago, but like yesterday at the same time. At this point i'm just taking things one day at a time. I have some good days and some anxious days, but I will never let myself get down and depressed. There's no reason to. :-)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Life anew?
Although I set out to keep regular posts when I started this blog, getting overwhelmed with life kind of got in the way! But now I think this will help make sense of the chaos that has become my life!
After just over 6 years Craig and I just ended our relationship. His priorities in life have become set in China now. The biggest adjustment is shifting my focus to "Me" instead of "Us". I'm stuck in that place between what was and what my future is going to be.
Which would not be as much of an issue if I didn't have many other things going on with life. My mom was just put into an assisted living facility in Owensboro. Why so far? Since she is not yet 62 she doesn't qualify for regular assisted living, and her health and mental status is not yet bad off enough to qualify at her age. She is one of the people that falls between the cracks. Dawn and I have not visited this place (it was set up by the hospital and agreed on by mom before we even knew anything about it), so we have no idea exactly how it's set up. She has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home for over a year, so it is a relief to know she is somewhere safe at least.
The first of the year I started being nauseous pretty much all the time. After several (expensive) tests they came to the conclusion that they have absolutely no idea why. Great, huh? I also found out the medicine they put me on is quite controversial in how many serious permanent side effects it can have. That, plus the fact that I gained 8 lbs in 2 months on it WITH regular exercise and watching what I ate, I decided to go off of it. The doctors could care less about figuring out why I gained the weight, nor do they care since i'm not overweight yet (I guess i'm supposed to wait until I become obese THEN be concerned!), nor did they listen when I explained my diet and exercise. I have started FINALLY losing the weight the last couple weeks, after another doctor helped me with some intestinal issues I was having. This was also around the same time that Craig and I ended things, so i'm wondering if that was causing stress making me hold on to the weight as well! Unfortunately now I have had well over $1000 in medical bills, for tests which told me absolutely nothing no less!
Then there was my car situation. My car was dying fast with all the miles I have to put on it to/from work every day. My brother in law bought it from me (it is great for his 2 mile drive to/from work), and I am buying Craig's Jag from him. After weighing all my options, this seemed like both the easiest and most economical soloution for me. It was less than buying a used Honda or Toyota would be from a dealer (Jag's are mostly show peeps!), plus I am making payments to him directly instead of having to pay interest on a loan. Unfortunately a month later it overheated on me crossing the bridge to IN. That, plus a few other maintenance issues it had from having over 100,000 miles on it, cost me another $1000. Yeah, I can't get any breaks!
So that has been the basic stress of my life for the last 8 months. There are some issues with work as well, including not having a raise in almost 3 years! But I won't get into all of that. I am still working on my 3D imaging courses, and i'm hoping (praying!) I can get a better paying job with this.
Right now I am still living in Craig's house for the time being. With all my setbacks this year I can't really afford to get an apartment (or buy a house) for a while. Since he only comes home a couple times a year now this won't be too much of an issue. I still am looking forward to getting my own place as soon as I can though! For one, I moved here to help with "our" future. Since that is no longer the case I have no desire to live this far out. I also really miss living in Louisville. It is so far out to go anywhere, not to mention the gas I have to use. Plus the maintenance of keeping up with a 3 bedroom house on 7 acres on my own is not exactly fun! Especially during ice and snow storms. Then there's the issue of getting back out there and dating again. Not exactly the best circumstance to move on and date when you live in your ex's house! I know it will be a little while before i'm ready to start looking for dates, but at the same time I wish I was already past all the crap I have to go thru to get to that point. But moving on from a 6 year relationship, especially when you are my age and now realize that having a family may very well be out of the question, doesn't happen overnight! Unlike the last person I dated before Craig, where I was out ready to date the next week! LOL He was such a waste of time thought that I was ready to move on asap!
So I guess that's about it for my update almost 8 months in the making. I'm sure my moving and dating experiences (or lack thereof!) will make for some interesting posts in the future. After all, nothing ever goes smoothly and without incident in my life! :-)
After just over 6 years Craig and I just ended our relationship. His priorities in life have become set in China now. The biggest adjustment is shifting my focus to "Me" instead of "Us". I'm stuck in that place between what was and what my future is going to be.
Which would not be as much of an issue if I didn't have many other things going on with life. My mom was just put into an assisted living facility in Owensboro. Why so far? Since she is not yet 62 she doesn't qualify for regular assisted living, and her health and mental status is not yet bad off enough to qualify at her age. She is one of the people that falls between the cracks. Dawn and I have not visited this place (it was set up by the hospital and agreed on by mom before we even knew anything about it), so we have no idea exactly how it's set up. She has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home for over a year, so it is a relief to know she is somewhere safe at least.
The first of the year I started being nauseous pretty much all the time. After several (expensive) tests they came to the conclusion that they have absolutely no idea why. Great, huh? I also found out the medicine they put me on is quite controversial in how many serious permanent side effects it can have. That, plus the fact that I gained 8 lbs in 2 months on it WITH regular exercise and watching what I ate, I decided to go off of it. The doctors could care less about figuring out why I gained the weight, nor do they care since i'm not overweight yet (I guess i'm supposed to wait until I become obese THEN be concerned!), nor did they listen when I explained my diet and exercise. I have started FINALLY losing the weight the last couple weeks, after another doctor helped me with some intestinal issues I was having. This was also around the same time that Craig and I ended things, so i'm wondering if that was causing stress making me hold on to the weight as well! Unfortunately now I have had well over $1000 in medical bills, for tests which told me absolutely nothing no less!
Then there was my car situation. My car was dying fast with all the miles I have to put on it to/from work every day. My brother in law bought it from me (it is great for his 2 mile drive to/from work), and I am buying Craig's Jag from him. After weighing all my options, this seemed like both the easiest and most economical soloution for me. It was less than buying a used Honda or Toyota would be from a dealer (Jag's are mostly show peeps!), plus I am making payments to him directly instead of having to pay interest on a loan. Unfortunately a month later it overheated on me crossing the bridge to IN. That, plus a few other maintenance issues it had from having over 100,000 miles on it, cost me another $1000. Yeah, I can't get any breaks!
So that has been the basic stress of my life for the last 8 months. There are some issues with work as well, including not having a raise in almost 3 years! But I won't get into all of that. I am still working on my 3D imaging courses, and i'm hoping (praying!) I can get a better paying job with this.
Right now I am still living in Craig's house for the time being. With all my setbacks this year I can't really afford to get an apartment (or buy a house) for a while. Since he only comes home a couple times a year now this won't be too much of an issue. I still am looking forward to getting my own place as soon as I can though! For one, I moved here to help with "our" future. Since that is no longer the case I have no desire to live this far out. I also really miss living in Louisville. It is so far out to go anywhere, not to mention the gas I have to use. Plus the maintenance of keeping up with a 3 bedroom house on 7 acres on my own is not exactly fun! Especially during ice and snow storms. Then there's the issue of getting back out there and dating again. Not exactly the best circumstance to move on and date when you live in your ex's house! I know it will be a little while before i'm ready to start looking for dates, but at the same time I wish I was already past all the crap I have to go thru to get to that point. But moving on from a 6 year relationship, especially when you are my age and now realize that having a family may very well be out of the question, doesn't happen overnight! Unlike the last person I dated before Craig, where I was out ready to date the next week! LOL He was such a waste of time thought that I was ready to move on asap!
So I guess that's about it for my update almost 8 months in the making. I'm sure my moving and dating experiences (or lack thereof!) will make for some interesting posts in the future. After all, nothing ever goes smoothly and without incident in my life! :-)
Monday, February 15, 2010
New year, new blog contemplation
It has been another crazy start to another new year! I have had 3 snow days from work in 3 weeks, 2 of which the practice closed the office, the other I couldn't get out of my street! So I thouight i'd take this time to post a new entry, which I haven't done in forever.
This year was the start of me getting back on track with my workouts. I also wanted to lose the 5 lbs I gained in my stressful year last year! Things are going great with it. I'm continuing with my pilates/stability ball workouts, which are really getting my core and abs in to shape! My goal is to lose the 5 lbs before Ginger's wedding (1 lb to go!), and continue getting in shape for the rest of the year. So far so good!
With getting back in to my workout and nutrition routine, and viewing other's endeavors online and at work, I started getting frustrated. So many people are so uneducated on nutrition especially! Then I noticed people going all gung ho in workouts and being sore all the time. Again, not having the information necessary. So I started thinking if only there was a way I could help educate people on nutrition, and let them know that you don't have to go to extremes to lose weight. Also, that nutrition to lose weight and keep it off is a lifetime choice, and that "diets" don't work because as soon as you go off of them you gain the weight back. Not to mention that some of these "diets" are dangerous and unhealthy.
I considered a book, but this time in my life I don't have the time or the resources to write one. But these ideas were still eating at me (no pun intended). So then I got an idea: what about a blog? That way I can break my ideas up into different entries. It will also help show the main point in my nutrition ideas, which is educate yourself and make little changes at a time. Those small changes will build to be a complete overhaul of your diet, where as completely changing your eating habits overnight will be both overwhelming and difficult to stick with. It will also give me a chance to get feedback from all walks of life, both about what they think about the blog and what their needs are. I want this to not only help people lose weight, but get EVERYONE, young, old, fat, skinny, eating a healthy diet and avoiding health issues that go along with a poor diet like diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.
So, that's where I am with it now. Right now i'm stuck on coming up with a title and web address name for my blog! Once I get past that hurdle i'll be set to go!
This year was the start of me getting back on track with my workouts. I also wanted to lose the 5 lbs I gained in my stressful year last year! Things are going great with it. I'm continuing with my pilates/stability ball workouts, which are really getting my core and abs in to shape! My goal is to lose the 5 lbs before Ginger's wedding (1 lb to go!), and continue getting in shape for the rest of the year. So far so good!
With getting back in to my workout and nutrition routine, and viewing other's endeavors online and at work, I started getting frustrated. So many people are so uneducated on nutrition especially! Then I noticed people going all gung ho in workouts and being sore all the time. Again, not having the information necessary. So I started thinking if only there was a way I could help educate people on nutrition, and let them know that you don't have to go to extremes to lose weight. Also, that nutrition to lose weight and keep it off is a lifetime choice, and that "diets" don't work because as soon as you go off of them you gain the weight back. Not to mention that some of these "diets" are dangerous and unhealthy.
I considered a book, but this time in my life I don't have the time or the resources to write one. But these ideas were still eating at me (no pun intended). So then I got an idea: what about a blog? That way I can break my ideas up into different entries. It will also help show the main point in my nutrition ideas, which is educate yourself and make little changes at a time. Those small changes will build to be a complete overhaul of your diet, where as completely changing your eating habits overnight will be both overwhelming and difficult to stick with. It will also give me a chance to get feedback from all walks of life, both about what they think about the blog and what their needs are. I want this to not only help people lose weight, but get EVERYONE, young, old, fat, skinny, eating a healthy diet and avoiding health issues that go along with a poor diet like diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.
So, that's where I am with it now. Right now i'm stuck on coming up with a title and web address name for my blog! Once I get past that hurdle i'll be set to go!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
