It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Wow, what a year it's been.  So many ups and downs the entire year!  I've never had such great things and some of the worst betrayals happen all at once like 2011 brought.  The only way to recap is chronological order...

I started out the year finding out our company was bought out by Baptist Healthcare.  We spent almost 2 months not knowing what the change would entail, what our pay would be, and most importantly what was going to happen to our major vacations planned for the year already!!  I had a trip to Costa Rica planned already for May, and the flight was non refundable.  We were finally told right before the merger that our vacations would be fine.  I also was getting a much needed pay increase finally (I was going on 4 years without a raise, and I was already well underpaid from what an RT normally makes).  In trying to make sure I used as much of my vacation time saved up as possible, Tim and I made a trip to my favorite place in the world, Jekyll Island.  It was amazing as always (even more so because there's no one there in Feb.!), and Tim fell in love with it as well.  We even got to spend Valentine's Day at the beach. 

As of March 31st we were officially merged.  The week leading up to the merger, which was already stressful, Craig came home for work related reasons.  It was always stressful when he was home anyway, but add in the fact that we had been broken up for almost 7 months made it even more so.  We got along fine as usual though, and he came and left with no incident to speak of.  Little did I know what was actually going on behind the scenes...

A week after our merger, and just over a week after Craig left, I get a casual email from him telling me that he was going to be a father and was getting married.  My explanation is short and sweet isn't it?  That's because that's about the extent of the email I got.  After some cussing him out and probing on my instinct that there was more to the story, I found out he was seeing her well before we broke up.  Seeing as he cheated and didn't bother to break things off even after 2 weeks of being home the next time he saw me (I finally pryed a conversation out of him right before he left and basically put the words in his mouth that he wanted to end things), and part of the reason we broke things off was because he didn't want to settle down and have kids, and how he had the nerve to cheat on me after being 150% steadfast against cheating and after I basically ran his life and house for him while he was living it up out of the country, needless to say I was pissed, hurt, and ready to stab someone, to put it mildly!

My first priority at that point was to move back to Louisville at all costs.  While I was trying to plan all this, get my finances in order, and pack and purge all my crap, I was told I wouldn't be able to take my vacation unless they filled 2 positions at work so I would have someone to fill in for me.  Yeah, I was pissed.  We finally hire 2 people, and I'm still not told if I can still have my time off (she had to be started and trained first).  One WEEK before my plane took off I was casually told that my vacation time was approved.  Good thing, because I was going to stab someone if it wasn't!  So, I have my vacation set up and my move in date to my new apartment set up.  Great!!  Then at a routine trip to the vet to check Tissi's thyroid levels less than a week before my trip, I'm told she is in moderate renal failure and had to stay in the hospital for a couple days.  This couldn't happen now.  I couldn't lose my Peeps just as my world was coming crashing down around me!  Not to mention the cost and who was going to take care of her while I was gone on my trip.  Thank goodness she was going to be OK, but with some major changes to her daily routine.  Thankfully Tim was nice enough to stay at the house and take care of her full time while I was gone.  I knew he would take good care of her, and I would check in via Skype daily to make sure she was ok.

Finally, 10 years after getting my passport for this very trip, I made it to Costa Rica.  It was an amazing experience.  I love embracing different cultures and enjoying different climates, and CR brought all of that and more!  It was much needed after all of the crap that went down the first few months of the year. 

Once I got home from the trip I was packing furiously and finally moved for the next few weeks until my move.  It felt so great to be back where I felt at home, close to work, and most importantly out of the house where I now felt trapped and smothered in.  I felt free.  Now was the time to heal from the emotional crap that got me there in the first place.  I got support from some surprising people, such as coworkers I only speak to during working hours.  People showed great empathy.  Unfortunately there were some people I was close to that didn't show any support.  Of course those are the people you really need it from.  There were times I felt really alone when working through it all.  And on top of it I was hurt that people I had supported through much less showed no support or empathy, and even had the opinion that I was "overreacting".  That was just as hurtful as what Craig had done, because it was people I thought would always have my back.  But the one person that was the most supportive was Tim.  He was the one person that had every right to run the other way, but instead he understood that a once mutual and understanding breakup and the remaining friendship and trust that was left from it had turned into something very ugly.  He gave me the time and space I needed to sort it all out.  And to that I will be forever grateful.  I guess it is true that people show their true colors when you go through the toughest times in your life.  But I thank everyone that showed support, no matter how small the gesture was.

As I was working through all of these major life changes in such a short time, I came to another major decision in my life that I had thought about for many years.  I decided to become a vegetarian, and after a couple months started working towards becoming a full vegan.  This has been a change that brings me positive feelings every single day.  I can't say that anything else I've done in my life has come even close to doing that.  I feel good every time I eat, because I know that I am doing something good for my body, for animals, for the environment, and even for my ethics that I've held for so many years.  Plus I know that every thing I eat is going to taste awesome and be different and exciting.  Most people can't say that they feel that way even on occasion, let alone every day of their lives!  This decision has also brought me closer to one of my passions, which is educating other people about their health and nutrition and making a difference.  I have started a blog to follow my No Meat journey, and it has inadvertently inspired others to make positive changes in their lives.  It has also brought new avenues of support and friendship in reaching out to the interwebs to find others that are also making this decision.  I even recently won a virtual cooking lesson with one of the most popular Vegan recipe book authors!  :-)

So you can see, this year has had some major ups and downs from beginning to end!  These trials and tribulations have brought Tim and I even closer, and we are planning on moving in together when our leases are up this year.  For the first time in my life I don't start to doubt or worry when I think about a future together.  I am also planning on enrolling in an online program to get my Bachelor's degree in Social Sciences.  I have wanted to get my Bachelor's for some time, and this program will lead me into the direction I would really like to go with my career.  I am hoping to eventually go into something nutrition and/or health based and help people who really need to get healthy.  I am more than happy to see 2011 go away!  But I know that the experiences I've had will make me a stronger person in 2012, and I look forward to see what the new year has to bring.  I feel like I've been to hell and back this year, so I have no worries that this next year will be better! 

I hope everyone has a great New Year and wishes everyone the best.  :-)

My forearm Bone Density results over the last 6 years

"What in the world is this picture of?!?"

This is my "Report Card" that I would love to hang on the refrigerator.  I might even do so after I finish this blog entry!  LOL

Let me explain, both what this is and why it's so exciting.  As an X-ray tech I'm trained to do Bone Density (DEXA) scans.  In my position at the physician's office I work in I do all of the Bone Density scans in our office, and we get a LOT.  One of the scans we do is a scan of the forearm.  We very rarely do this type of scan, as the spine and hips is a much better area to measure.  Since we get less than 1 a year where we have to scan the forearm we practice on each other to keep up our skills. 

A Bone Density is done to measure the density of your bones (duh).  More specifically, it is to see if you are at risk or showing any signs of Osteoporosis, which is weak/fragile bones.  A person with early signs of Osteoporosis can easily fracture a bone, say during a fall, where a person with normal/strong bones would walk away without a fracture.  A person with severe Osteoporosis could potentially get up out of bed one morning and break their hip just from standing up.  Scary, right?  This scan is primarily done regularly on women who have entered menopause, because the drop in your hormones can cause a dramatic drop in your bone density.  There are other risk factors for people who may be more likely to have/develop Osteoporosis, such as a low calcium intake over the course of your life, lack of exercise, caffeine intake, smoking, or most commonly a small/petite frame.  To give you an idea of a time frame for the development of bone density (especially in females), around age 30 you stop building new bone density, around 35 you start gradually losing density, then once you hit menopause (for women only obviously!) your density starts dropping more dramatically. 

As most people that know me at all know that I have a very healthy and active diet and lifestyle for the most part.  Not to mention my love of milk and ice cream over the course of my life!  The one thing that I was always concerned about when it came to my bone density is my petite body frame.  Let's face it, I have a puny bone structure!  So I was very curious to see what my bone density was when we started doing scans in our office.  Thankfully my regular Bone Density scan (spine and femur) were perfectly normal.  Yay!  No surprise though, considering my first scan was when I was 30.  The real surprise came when we did my forearm scan.  My wrists/forearms are the smallest part of my body.  It's pretty bad when I can wrap my fingers around my own wrists with room to spare!!  Although my first forearm scan was in the "normal" range, it was teetering very close to the first stages of Osteoporosis (the precursor to Osteoporosis is called Osteopenia).  Since it was still in the normal range I didn't think too much about it...until I noticed what happened with my future scans.

The density in my forearm was steadily dropping towards the "danger zone".  Every 2 years we did the scan my bone density was declining in a steady pace.  My scan 2 years ago (my third scan) showed that if my bone density dropped the same amount again I would be in the Osteopenia range.  At 35 that is NOT a good thing!  I was taking calcium supplements, eating calcium rich foods such as yogurt, milk, etc.  And although I was exercising regularly doing weight bearing exercise (which is what you do to build your bone density) most exercising does not involve bearing weight on your forearms, unless you walk around on your hands most of the time!

So, I changed my workouts.  Using pilates and yoga, and incorporating a stability ball, I started doing all of my upper body strengthening exercises using my body weight.  I would position middle on the stability ball, for example, bearing all my weight on my upper body, and do various exercises.  I also did yoga and pilates poses that use your upper body strength to build your muscle and strength.  Worst case scenario I would just be building my muscles in a different way to keep from "muscle memory".  Best case scenario I would stop losing bone density in my forearms, or maybe even gain a little God willing!

Then a few weeks ago we did another scan on my forearm so I could teach a new tech how to do them.  My results are what you see above.  The left column is when I had the scan, the first scans I had being at the bottom and the most recent scan at the top.  Then my age at the time of the scans is listed in the next column.  The technical calculation numbers are the next few columns.  The exciting part is the far right column...that is where it shows the percentage of change in the density from the previous scan.  As you can see the first few scans showed a negative percentage, which means I lost density in my bones.  Then you see the top percentage number...a 6.1% increase in my bone density in my forearm!!  At age 37 I'm technically not supposed to be building more bone.  But just a simple change in the way I exercised, weight bearing on my arms/upper body, made a world of difference!  I am no longer in danger of dropping into the "danger zone"! 

Bone density (and really health in general) has become a passion of mine.  Being the front line of our patients I have to know a lot about bone density, and have to be able to answer any questions and educate the patients on how to keep their bones healthy.  The other passion of mine is keeping myself healthy and avoid the health risks that my family history may hand me.  One of the health issues I'm most at risk for being such a small frame is developing Osteoporosis.  The fact that I was able to BUILD my bone density back up with exercise (and of course my healthy diet) is AMAZING!

Anyway, I just had to share my exciting results/news, especially since this is a subject I'm very passionate about.  Women, please take your calcium with vitamin D supplements daily, starting from the time you are a teenager!  Eat a healthy diet with calcium rich foods such as spinach, broccoli, low fat yogurt, etc.  Make sure you exercise regularly doing weight bearing activities such as yoga, walking, jogging, and weight lifting.  Osteoporosis is a silent killer...you won't know or "feel" you are at risk for it until it's too late!  over 65% of post menopausal women who fracture a hip will die from some sort of complication within 18 months.  Don't be a statistic!  We now know how to prevent this, which is a step beyond older generations!  :-)

My 9/11/01 story

I was fairly fresh out of college (9 months) and working my first "real world" job. And I was miserable. I was still trying to figure out who I was and where my place was in the world, and I hated my job. It was an all-consuming hate that effected the rest of my life as well. I was (at that time) about 15 lbs overweight and basically just existing.

I was working a 10-6 shift at the hospital in downtown Louisville at the time, so I was just getting up and going at the time everything started happening. My best friend called me and just said "You need to turn on the TV.". I turned it on after the plane had hit the second tower, and they were getting word about the Pentagon. I was speechless, like everyone else i'm sure. At that time I had never been to NYC. For anyone who has, you don't realize the size of the city or the magnitude of all of the tall buildings surrounding you. It's easy to be naive about it, which will come in to play later.

I was running a little late to work after watching the coverage and (trying) to get over the shock. I got in the car and turned it on Bob and Tom as I always did on the way to work. I knew it was serious when even they were only talking about what was happening. As I drove on the Watterson expressway and was about to get on to I65 north I remember seeing a plane cross my path about to land. I thought to myself "That may be the last plane landing in the country" and wondering where it was supposed to be heading to, as they had demanded all planes land at the closest airport immediately. It was such a clear, beautiful day. As I was pulling into my parking spot in the garage at work is when the first tower collapsed. I sat there for at least 2 minutes with my mouth open in shock. It fell?? I walked the 2-3 blocks to the hospital as fast as I could so I could try to get somewhere to keep up with what was happening. I clocked in and ran to the break room first thing. Within 30 seconds the second tower was collapsing live on the TV. I lost my breath and fell against the wall. This was the worst thing that my generation had ever seen, and it was happening live on TV for all to see. I remember leaving work at 6 that day. What was usually filled with the sounds of UPS planes, helicopters, passenger planes all going over downtown was completely gone. It was such an eery silence. How could such a tragedy happen on such a beautiful day? I passed WLKY news building on my way to the parking garage, and the weather forecaster at the station at the time was passing out small American flags to all the people and cars that passed by. It was so touching to me. This country had come together as one. There were no Democrats or Republicans. There were no rich or poor. There were just the millions of Americans all feeling, hurt, confused, and helpless the same. It was at that moment that I realized how proud we should be to be Americans. I had never felt the power of that until that very moment.

Of course like most Americans I was confused and lost as to what to say or do next. Then it hit me that I was in health care now and maybe I could help. They would have a major overload of injured flooding the hospitals, and just maybe I could go to help. Of course this was a VERY hopeful and naive thought. As the hours and days went by there would be no survivors to take to the hospital. Not even bodies to recover to give the families closure. But work went on as normal. People still came in for their Myelograms, their Upper GI studies, their possible broken ankles. How could all these people carry on like normal? It just didn't feel right to me. One thought came to my mind repeatedly all day; what was I doing? Why am I here? It was that day that I made a decision to change my life. I was changing the path of my career and not going to be miserable any longer. I was going to do something I was proud of, where I actually felt I was helping people. I didn't know what or how yet, but it was going to happen! It was probably no more than a month later I decided to go to Massage Therapy school. This decision changed the rest of my life. In finding another part time job to do while I was in school I found myself at my doctor's office getting a "stamp of good health" to qualify for a job. The physician I was seeing found out I was an X-ray tech and said they were in desperate need of one there. I talked to the supervisor on the phone that night, and 9 years later I am the primary tech in the office. I realized I wasn't in the wrong career field but in the wrong job! I still did massage therapy on the side and will possibly get back into that field again in some way. And i'm very glad I went to massage school and got my certification!

Almost 3 years after the attacks I found myself in NYC for the first time. We decided to go see the site of the World Trade Center attacks. At that time the subway still was closed in that area, and the site was just a giant concrete hole, probably 10 stories, with a fence around it. There was a silence in this large city around the site. It took your breath away. You could feel the energy of the tragedy, of the country coming together. It was like time stopped in that area. I remember then looking up at the surrounding buildings. I was shocked to see windows still blown out, chunks of brick gone from these buildings, still closed. 3 years later and there was still the marks of this tragedy. It really brought the magnitude of what happened to light. Words cannot express the vastness of the area, how large and TALL these buildings are. You just can't grasp this until you see the city in person.

10 years later I look back and see how far i've come as a person, and how that one day changed my life, my attitude towards life and people, forever. I will never forget that day. I will never forget the feeling of that day, and my thoughts and prayers will never stop for all of those who lost loved ones that day. We should all realize the freedom that we have that no other country in the world has, that we have the opportunity to be whatever we want to be in this country. Americans seem to lose sight of that and let politics and religion get in the way of remembering it. We have this RIGHT as Americans, where other countries don't have that luxury. So next time you see a Police officer, a Fireman, or a Soldier fighting for our freedom make sure to thank them in any way that you can, no matter what your political or religious beliefs are. They deserve it. They are willing to die for US, for YOU, without anyone asking them to. Remember that, and remember all the innocent people that lost their lives 10 years ago. I know I will never forget.

Back in the town of J!!

So, I decided I was going to post again once I was completely moved in to my apartment and away from Craig's house and all of that drama for good. Unfortunately the move took me almost a month due to some "hitches" in my moving plan, and downsizing to a smaller place was much more difficult than I was anticipating! My big moving day went well. I had some great friends that came together with their big vehicles and muscles to get all my big furniture and such moved in 1 trip. Thanks guys!! Unfortunately I had so much crap that it took a few more weekends to get the rest of it. When you can't get to much of your stuff until you move other things to get to it, and you have to unpack the things you've already moved to make room for the new boxes, it seems like a never ending battle. Then I got to the last weekend. The plan was to get the last of my stuff, make 1 final sweep of the house to make sure I didn't overlook anything, leave the keys and be done with the place forever! As I drove up the driveway I see a giant pine tree laying over the driveway between a huge pine tree and a rock landscape hill. DAMMIT! Tim was able to get his dad's truck thru the yard and up to the house, but a regular vehicle wasn't going anywhere. I was pissed to say the least. I notified Craig of the problem (I would have rather poked my eyes out with needles but I had no choice but to have contact with him again), and he had the same issue that I did after the ice storm; no company would call him back. Sucked for me, but I was also glad he had to endure some of the hell that I had to go thru after the ice storm, hehe. So I got my parents to bring their SUV to the house to help me get the rest of my stuff. I was FINALLY done with this whole mess! Then I get home and realized I forgot to take the garage door opener out of my car, lol. But it gave me a chance to go back and say goodbye to my neighbors. They were great to me while I was living there alone, helping with the ice storm issues and even the dogs at times. I'm really going to miss having neighbors like that! It's funny that Craig lived there for 10 years, and i'm the one they supported in all this mess, lol.

So, the point was to post after I was completely done with the situation to share how I felt about everything now that i've moved on. And the answer is I really don't know, lol. It's a huge weight lifted off of my shoulder, but there is still some residual left over. The situation broke my confidence in my abilities to know who I can trust in a relationship. But no matter what I won't let it break who I am. I won't let a cheating hypocritical bastard effect me that much! Craig said repeatedly that he was going to respond to everything and my email once he had the time, and that it would be soon. The last time he said this was about 3 weeks ago, and still nothing. HA! Needless to say i'm not holding my breath. However it would've been nice to either have closure with a response or for him to just say look it's not worth it to me so that I didn't have to wonder if i'm going to be hit with a response later when i'm not expecting it. But i've learned that my life always brings complicated situations. If something happened smoothly I wouldn't know what to do!

Now that i'm moved and pretty much unpacked it's a huge weight off my shoulders. I feel like i'm home again! It's great being so close to work again, and be able to go out and do things without having to drive an hour and do major planning. I've been able to come home at lunch some days and get Tissi her meds or fluids out of the way. And, i'm able to do things after work, since all I have to do is run by the apartment for 2 seconds then head out! I've been early to most things now because i'm not used to being so close, lol. Tissi, btw, is doing good as well. I just had her 3 month follow up blood work, and everything is staying in the normal range. She has finally knocked out the congestion issues she was having, and her appetite has picked up. It's such a relief to know that she is able to manage her renal issues! I know that at any time things can turn and get worse, but at least for now she (and I) can enjoy her life. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. :-)

It feels like now my life is starting again and picking up. Several of us got together and had a huge yard sale at Ginger's last month. I've never seen such a successful yard sale! At the end we only had a few boxes of stuff to take to good will. It was amazing! I also won tickets to see Janet Jackson in Cincinnati from GenX radio, and Ginger and I went to that a couple of weeks ago. She put on a great show, and travelling to see a concert with G was like old times when we used to make trips like that regularly! Pep band season has started up again, and being closer I can go to more gigs. And the money will definitely be a blessing to my very tight budget! It makes me feel like i'm social again. My birthday is next weekend, and Ginger is having a cookout for me complete with a sundae bar. My favorite!! Tim's birthday is also next week, and we'll be going out this weekend for that. I also get to make it to the Brew at the Zoo this weekend finally. I've wanted to go for the last couple years and just never made it!

So that's what has been going on in a nutshell (Help, i'm in a nutshell!). Now that i'm in and settled i'll hopefully keep up with my blog better. :-)

Costa Rica 2011. Pura Vida!

I've been back from my vacation for just over a week, but things have been so hectic i'm just getting a chance to post about it!

As many may or may not know, this trip to Costa Rica was almost 10 years in the making. When my sister first bought her bungalow I got my first passport specifically to make a trip there with her. We just finally made the trip, and my passport expires in 3 months!

With all the drama the last couple months with my job's company change over (and not getting approved for the trip until 1 week before we left!), the "issues" that were revealed about my ex, and trying to pack to move out of his house and into my apartment, it was difficult to get excited and ready for the trip. Then 3 days before we left Tissi got out of the hospital with renal failure and a long list of supplements and I.V. fluids she had to get daily! I was so nervous about losing her on top of everything else. Thankfully Tim was going to pet sit for me, and he had experience in giving his dog I.V. fluids. That eased my worries some. I knew I would have my laptop, and I could check in daily to make sure she was doing ok. So I was FINALLY set to go!

I absolutely LOVE flying. I know that is unusual, but i've always loved the whole experience of it. What I am nervous about however is small private planes. Well, guess how we had to get from the San Jose airport to Quepos? You guessed it! A small plane that seats 12, and the pilot has to climb over everyone to get to his seat! I took a Xanax in preparation for the flight. The last thing I needed was to have a meltdown in the middle of a 20 minute flight! Thank goodness it wasn't as bas as I thought it would be. Well, either that or it was the Xanax talking! Either way we got there safe and sound.


We got to the bungalow in the afternoon. I had seen many pictures and videos of it and the property it was on so I knew what to expect pretty much. I was ready to unpack and forget the worries of the real world! We got changed and headed into town for dinner. I was immediately exposed to the rainforest weather with a downpour while we walked down to the bus stop. Nothing like being broken in to the culture right away! I had a traditional Costa Rican meal, casado especial con pollo (picture shown above). It was fabulous! We then headed down the street to a restaurant where a friend of Dawn's was playing with his band. We only stayed a few minutes since we were tired from all the travelling that day. Then we headed back to the bungalow for the evening to rest up for the beach the next day. It thunderstormed all night, which was relaxing for a good night's sleep!

The next morning we headed to the local beach (the pic of me above), and had lunch at a beachside restaurant where I had some more Costa Rican food. Can you tell enjoying the local food is one of my favorite parts of vacation? LOL That evening we headed back into town and had dinner at an Italian restaurant. We had some awesome pizza (which became lunch for the next few days with the leftovers) and some awesome gelato. Before we had dinner we went to a bar popular with the fisherman to hang out and have some drinks. To our surprise and pleasure they had a 2 for 1 happy hour! We made sure to enjoy this deal more than once during the trip!

Day 3 we headed to Manuel Antonio's national park. There is hiking thru the rainforest with lots of wildlife, and also some gorgeous beaches. We hiked to an overlook and got some awesome pictures. We also got to see a toucan, some iguanas and a couple sloths. Unfortunately no monkeys! That night we dressed up and headed to Gaia's rooftop bar for drinks and tapas and to watch the sunset overlooking the ocean. The second we got off the elevator I heard this banging on the metal roof, then felt some vibrations. It was an earthquake! It lasted almost a minute. I felt no fear at all, but instead immediately couldn't wait to find out what the magnitude was that I experienced, lol. It ended up being a 6.0 and was centered about an hour from Quepos. Unfortunately it was a very rainy night so we didn't get to see much of a sunset! But the view was still amazing, and so were the drinks and tapas. I had a drink made with guaro, an alcohol made from sugar cane that you can only get in Costa Rica. Yummy! Then we headed down the street to see 2 of Dawn's musician friends play acoustic at another restaurant.

The next day we walked into town for the farmer's market. It was amazing to see all the fresh produce and homemade cheeses and such! We stocked up on supplies in town for a cookout at the bungalow pool that evening. The rest of the day we just hung out at the pool and bungalow. That night we had fresh snapper and tuna on the grill, mango salsa and pico de gallo, and I had local rum and mango juice with slices of fresh mango to drink. Fabulous! I also got to enjoy a shot of some premium tequila with Dawn's property manager and his very hot Costa Rican partner. :-)

Sunday we headed back to the local beach. That is the day all the locals hang out there, so there was good people watching. That night we headed back into Quepos with Dawn's property manager for happy hour and an all you can eat sushi dinner! While we were there a thunderstorm started. I have never seen rain so hard in my entire life! Take the hardest rain you've seen in KY and double it. It rained this hard all evening and most of the night. I wanted to get a video because it was so amazing, but it was too dark.

Monday was my last day. That morning we slept in and had some fresh fruit and homemade banana bread for breakfast. Before we got out of bed the resident monkeys finally came to the bungalow! They used to come every day, but the construction behind the property has kept them away. I couldn't leave Costa Rica without seeing a single monkey!! Then I headed to a hotel down the street for a massage. It was one of the best massages i've ever gotten, and it was about half the price of one you would get here! Then I wandered around the hotel gift shop and got some souveniors for people and myself. Then we headed back into Quepos for dinner that night. For my "last meal" I requested the casada especial again. I wanted to end my trip with local flare!

I had to catch the bus at 4 am the next morning into San Jose. I was by myself with all locals that spoke only Spanish, so it was interesting! I had a VERY long wait until my flight left. Thank goodness I got to fly first class on the way home thanks to my tons of miles I earned flying to China twice!

All in all the trip was wonderful and much needed! I was able to clear my head and completely forget all of the issues and drama back home. When I got home I had a fresh perspective on things and don't feel as overwhelmed by everything. The best part of the trip was being able to experience both a different culture and different climate. I've never experienced culture shock, even when I went to China where their way of life is completely different from ours! I enjoy observing how other countries live their everyday life and how they do the same mundane daily activities completely different from us. I also love seeing how my body reacts to different climates. When I was in the desert 10 years ago my hair lost all of it's frizz, I drank water 24/7, and I had daily nosebleeds, lol. In the rainforest of Costa Rica the first thing I experienced was the discomfort of the heat. My feet and ankles swelled the first 2 days and hurt like crazy! Thankfully this went away as I got more acclimated to the weather. You body also gets used to the heat/humidity, and after the first day or so it didn't bother me. Unfortunately my hair did not fair so well in the rainforest! It was a constant poofy frizz ball! Picture Monica on the show Friends when they went to the Bahamas. That was pretty close to me without much exaggeration! LOL

I will definitely be going back now that I finally was able to make it there after a 10 year wait! There was so much that I didn't get to see and experience. Plus next time I would like to have some more time to just stop and relax. Now i'm ready to tackle my work issues, and most importantly my move to my new apartment finally!!

The shock of a lifetime...

Well, literally as soon as I posted my last post promising to keep up with my blog better, I had the floor dropped out from under me! I have been a bit dark and cryptic lately, on Facebook for one, which I am not a big fan of. However, some things have happened that completely surprised me and shook my world completely upside down. I'm sure people have been wondering what in the world has been going on. I needed to have some time to process everything before I made it all public, even with me always being open and up front about my life.

About a month ago I received an email from Craig. This was not unusual considering i'm still living in his house and taking care of things here, and he had just been home 2 weeks before. However, what the email said completely floored me, and was a shock to everyone that knows him.

He said I have some news that will surprise you. I'm going to be a father in 8-9 months. We will be getting married sometime in June. She is from the Phillipines, and we have been casually dating since August, more serious since November. When I come back home to live (which will likely be in September because they didn't renew his contract. How ironic is that??) she will be coming home with him. I wanted to let you know first, because i'm sending an email telling everyone in the next couple of days.

That was almost word for word what the email said. Very matter of fact, to the point, no explanation, like I was some distant friend. Needless to say I was confused and pissed! Unfortunately I read this email right as I got to work. Very bad timing! I went completely numb and my mind went blank. My entire body was shaking. I had to run out of the office before I lost it, so I took a VERY early break and stepped out and called Ginger to try to get some perspective (and to vent!).

Now some of you may be saying, well, you all have been broken up for 8 months (at the time of the news). However, you have to look at the circumstances that ended our relationship and my living situation. We ended our relationship 8 months before mainly because Craig wanted to stay in China and work for as long as possible to make as much money as possible, for another 3-5 years. This of course was unacceptable to me for our relationship. We had been growing apart for a couple of years, but I was the only one putting the effort in to try to keep us close. He had pretty much checked out of the relationship. However, every time I brought up our relationship (which was always me, he never brought up the topic) it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about it. We had a huge fight (which was highly unlike us) over Christmas 2009, but did not have time to talk about it before he left. He was supposed to come home in a few months so I didn't think much of it, but unfortunately that trip got cancelled and he didn't make it back home until the end of July. When he came home I waited a week and a half for him to bring it up. It never happened. When I finally brought it up, it was again like pulling teeth. He was very matter of fact he wanted to stay in China, and staying in China would mean the end of our relationship. So that was that. It was a very amicable break up. We wanted different things and were in different places. He was not looking to get married and settle down and have children any time soon. I was running out of time to do so. So we remained friends because of the amicable break up. I always had known I could trust him, and he had always been completely honest with me.
Or so I thought....

Upon further investigation, which means I sent a message back and bitched him out on both how he gave me this new information and the timing of it, I came to find out that this was a complete accident, and he was completly freaked out about it. I questioned the timing of everything. August would mean he jumped off the plane and started going at it the second his feet touched the ground. All the while i'm here 2 months after the break up feeling guilty about dating again because i'm living in his house still, even though I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. He admitted to sleeping with someone right before he came home again(he didn't say who but it doesn't take a genius to figure it out). His "excuse" was that he knew the relationship was over from when he was home Christmas, and he had been telling me for 2 years we were growing apart. So, Mr. "cheating is 100% wrong on any occasion and would be the absolute end of a relationship and is a sin" had made me look like a fool.

So here I was, preaching about how trustworthy he was, even after the end of our relationship, and he was being very untrustworthy to say the least! I of course being a true redhead bitched him out. I pointed out that if he knew the relationship was over at Christmas then he should have ended it at Christmas. Or, he should've jumped off the plane and immediately ended things with me, instead of me prying it out of him after 1 1/2 weeks of being home. And most importantly, HE SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT IN HIS PANTS UNTIL HIS ASS GOT HOME AND ENDED THINGS. I told him I had had numerous occasions where I could have been unfaithful, and I promise I was much lonlier than he was, and I would have NEVER have done anything about it until we were officially over. Not to mention I was here in the states taking care of his house and land, going above and beyond what he asked for, while he was living it up! But, as I told him, his negative karma has bit him in the ass. He now has to (because that's how he sees what you "have" to do if you get pregnant) get married to someone he barely knows, let alone absolutely wanted to settle down with, and have 2 stepchildren (which I just recently found out). As I always say, karma is a bitch!

So, back to me and dealing with this. I wanted to run out of this house as fast as I possibly could and never speak to him again. Unfortunately this wasn't possibly financially. I had to first save up some money for apartment deposits and whatnot. But I just couldn't figure out how I really felt about this news and how to take it. I was pretty much paralyzed for about a week. Then the person anyone would least expect brought to light exactly what I was feeling. My current boyfriend told me in passing that he knew I was hurt. That was it. Our amicable breakup had not taken away the fact that I cared about and trusted Craig. I was basically going thru the breakup all over again, but this time knowing the truth. Now that doesn't mean that I still wanted to be with him, or I was holding on to hope that someday we would be together again. Quite the opposite! I knew very well that things were completely over between us. His career was chosen over me, and I know I deserve much better than that. But I did still care about him and had no hard feelings towards him or what happened until this.

About a month has passed since all of this went down. I am still processing everything and trying to get past it all. Mainly because I am still living in Craig's house!! That will soon be remedied however. I have a deposit down on an apartment and will be moving out the begining of June. I believe that after I am out of here I will finally be able to let go. I still have some things I want to say to Craig, and I will send him a message with all of it in time. Basically for closure for me. But now I want absolutely nothing to do with him ever again.

I have to thank all of my friends and family that have stood by me while i've been dealing with this. Especially Tim. It takes a real man to be able to stand by me dealing with this, let alone still living in this house and having contact with Craig! He has let me cry on his shoulder, call Craig every name in the book, and most importantly know it had absolutely nothing to do with him or my feelings for him. Between this, dealing with all the stress at work the past month, trying to move and go on a big vacation all within a month, and now my oldest cat having major health issues, there have been many times where I thought I was going to completely lose it. No matter how much I know that everything happens for a reason and that I will get thru this, it still becomes a bit overwhelming!!

So, that's the "big news" that i've been so quiet about up until now. I am leaving for Costa Rica with my older sister Dawn in 2 days. I am hoping that this vacation will revive me and help me escape all the stress and drama for at least a week! Not to mention make the time until I can finally move into my apartment go by faster! So i'll post again after my trip for an update. :-)

Ok, so I haven't been doing a very good job at keeping up with regular posts! So much has been going on in the last several months i've barely had time to even think!

The biggest change has been in my job/career. As many people know I had been job searching for several months, due to both being unhappy and stagnant in my current position and needing a much overdue pay increase. Little was available in my career field, and the positions I was actually able to find I didn't get for one reason or another. Just when I was about to give up on ever being financially stable we got big news at work: Our company was being bought out by Baptist Healthcare. Although most people in the company were majorly freaking out, I knew this was potentially a blessing in disguise. Most of the issues I had with my job would definitely be rectified with being under a larger healthcare corporation! Then there was the raise issue. I was already being majorly underpaid for what a normal RT makes in a hospital.

So the company change went thru completely as of this Monday. Although the change has been chaotic and quite an adjustment, thankfully all of the changes have been in my favor. Including financially! Plus now that i'm working for one of the largest healthcare companies in the city (and the state) I have many more opportunities for advancement. They are recognizing me as an RT and appreciate the skills that I possess, and want to utilize those skills. And for once someone actually sees how much effort and work i've put in to making my department so functional! I don't mind most of the changes they are making in the company. No matter what they do it will still be much more relaxed than working in the hospital! I'm still getting used to the new schedule, and i'm completely exhausted this week. But I know things will get back to being routine soon.

The biggest benefit of all this is that now I can pay off some of my debt and save money so I can finally move back to Louisville and closer to work and family! Not to mention the awkwardness of living in my ex's house and getting back out there in the dating world. Craig has been home twice since my last post. Don't get me wrong, we got along just fine, better than before we split up to tell you the truth. But this house is not mine. I want to go back to a place that I feel is 100% my home again. Plus I would like to not have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn and put a ton of miles on my car every day just to get to work! I've already gotten the information I need from the apartment complex I lived in previously (new pricing, pet restrictions, etc) so that I can get an idea of where my finances need to be and how long i'm looking at to move. It's funny how i'm ending up right back where I started from over 8 years ago when I first moved out on my own! It feels good though. And that was the last time I really felt at home with where I was living.

As far as the dating scene goes, i've been seeing someone for a few months now. I've not really announced it to the world (i.e. Facebook). This is only because i've learned that meddlers can take things out of context and start rumors, which get back to Craig (who could care less, not to mention probably doesn't want to hear anything about my personal life!), which could cause issues with our living arrangement. It's not like i'm doing anything wrong, I just don't want the hassle of having to explain myself and my situation. My true friends and family know the who and what and how, and that's all that is important to me. Pretty much I just want to live my life the way I want to live it and not have everyone else's opinions on it! I've discovered over the last 8 months (yes, that's how long it's been since I became single again!) that people have a lot of opinions on how I should live my life, how I should feel, how I should run my dating life, what I should do, etc. My life is not average or ordinary. I don't fit in to the "I must be married and have babies by a certain time or my life is pointless" mould that everyone feels is "normal", nor will it ever be. Will I settle down and get married and have kids? Only time will tell that. But i'm not going to put pressure on myself or anyone I date that this has to be the end result of my life. I'm all about letting things happen how they may, and if it's meant to be then it will happen. Until then i'm going to enjoy my life (and freedom to do so!) where it is!

There is much more going on in my life, but I think this is enough for one blog post! So, more on the rest of my story later. :-)